A note on bodies in this post. I am writing it referencing my own body which is AFAB. I am including anecdotal views from people with broadly similar bodies to my own. I would absolutely LOVE someone or someones to write about this issue from a Non Binary or Trans perspective. Please write it. I will publish it. I just don't think it is my place to write about something that is not my experience.
This is my dream job. I get to write about sex, ask people about sex, talk about sex and have lots of sex. Being a sex blogger has opened up my whole world of sex. I read my blog posts to Sexy Husband (SH) and that has infused our sex life with something new.
I also get to test a lot of sex toys and tell you all about it. Like I said, I am living the dream.
I recently tested this one Bestvibe Elegant Sucking Vibrating G-Spot Clitoris Stimulation Vibrators (review here) and happened to mention on a social networking site that I had just tested a toy that had made my ears ring and then made me pass out. This is true. It was like when you play a video game and someone launches a flash bang into a room and there is a high pitched ringing. It was a good time, and nobody called me a n00b.
In reply I was told that it was very hot (agreed) that my candor was a turn on (I'm aware) and I was asked if, at all, a licking sucking vibrator was different (better) than the "real thing".
I'll put you boys (because you know it was a man) out of your misery. It is very different. The two cannot be compared. Not at all. Not even a little bit. Now I know that sounds like a cop out, and I know why you want to know. I hear the unasked question between the lines (I have been with more than one man) and I will answer what it is you really want to know? The question is always...
"If you don't need me to have mind blowing orgasms, what is left for me?"
The answer is, that knowing we can look after the sex ourselves should give you more confidence rather than less.
Imagine having someone cook for you, even though you are a chef. It's that kind of thing. I can grab a toy and not have to worry that my menopausal ass is taking longer and longer to cum. I know that taking longer will make my man feel insecure along with the fact that I can grab a toy and do it myself.
You have no idea how much energy we as a gender, since pretty much the day we realise that gender exists, have poured into trying to make sure your iccle feelings aren't hurt because we fear male violence and even the potential of male violence. It is exhausting. And then, just when we have in our hands, the tools for our own pleasure, you make it about you again. So listen up.
Toys should not make you feel like you are not needed. You might even choose to frame it as a compliment. We can grab a toy. We choose to grab you.
Also, I am not sure why you think it has to be an either/or situation. If you had suckers/lickers at your fingertips, I am damn sure that you would utilise them. Maybe, instead of seeing these toys as a thread to your manhood (and it really isn't your fault that you do, mostly. You were raised in the patriarchy too) you could utilise the toys by using your fingertips. And a firm grip, and a "that feel good does it? I want to watch you cum all over this toy and my hand." You get the picture.
If the whole point is mutual pleasure and she isn't just there to get you off, you should have no problem with that.
And no, it isn't the same as a warm, slow, lapping tongue. Not even in the slightest. And we can train you to do cunnilingus well, if you are prepared to listen to your partner (I am talking to the cis het boys here, I have never had bad head from a woman). But sometimes, we are not in the mood to pat you on the head for a job well done. Sometimes we just want to grab our silicone friend, put it on the setting we like and cum. Long, hard, ear ringingly. Alone. No worries, no insecurities, no blow jobs, no anything. Just a lovely, indulgent wank.
You know, like you lot do.
So yeah. It is different. If you are talking about inevitability of orgasm, toys will do it for me pretty much every time and won't sulk if I decide part way through that actually, I wasn't in the mood, I just needed a sandwich.
If you are talking about intimacy, then a human being does it for me. As long as they don't see me cumming as an end goal, and understand that sometimes I just want warming up, not finishing off.
As for this particular toy? Well worth it.
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