We've all heard the term friends with benefits right? It is up there with No Strings Attached (NSA) and One Night Stands (ONS). "JUST LOOKING FOR FUN!" scream the dating app profiles (but not Tinder. I am banned from Tinder over an accidental nipple incident). Fuck buddies is another term for it.
Now some people might think that all of the above are the same thing, but they are different. Sure, there is some overlap, but they are separate entities. For instance, a ONS (not to be confused with the Office for National Statistics) does exactly what it says on the tin. You meet someone, and usually with some sort of substance snorted or imbibed, you fuck them, then in the morning, shake hands and say goodbye for ever.
NSA (not to be confused with the National Space Agency) could be one of a few things. If your ONS becomes a regular thing but does not evolve between two strangers who regularly use each other as sex toys, then this falls into NSA territory. If you are a unicorn for a couple or if you go to a swinging club, this epitomises the NSA. No strings are attached, and though you may have sex multiple times, you are not friends.
Fuck buddies is when you have that guy you are mates with, and go clubbing with and if neither of you have pulled at the end of the night, depending on whether you are hungry (just want a kebab to be honest) or horny (still want a kebab, but it is likely to be left under the bed for you to be nauseous at in the morning) you might go home with this mate and fuck. Equally, one of you might suggest it and the other one might say "mate, I am bollocksed, I just want to sleep if I am honest." and that would be ok. You're not that bothered about it, but when it happens, it is good. He knows where your hot spots are and you know you can make him cum by tickling his arse if it is going on too long. You don't plan ahead with a fuck buddy. You message him on a wednesday evening because you have had a long and frustrating day at work, and if he can come over and shag the bad mood out of you, great. If he can't, then a blankie, a hot chocolate and a couple of episodes of Gilmore Girls it is. And maybe a quick wank before bed.
But Friends Wilth Benefits? This is the ultimate in best of both worlds.
You can text them on a wednesday evening to complain about work and they will come over to braid your hair while sharing a Chinese, and listening to you moan about Janet in accounts and what a bitch she is. All while making soothing noises. Or you might end up snogging on the sofa then painting your nails. The emphasis is on the friendship. The benefits are just that. With an FWB you can have sex and go for waffles. You can scream laughing and scream with pleasure. I only have FWB who are women because I love the company of women (plus, I have a man at home), especially when there is easy touching, easy company and just ease. Who doesn't like to kiss their friends sometimes? And women are so soft, and have boobs. And obviously, yay boobs!
If I was not madly in love with SH, I would have lots of women who are FWBs. Because it is easier to be emotionally intimate with them, easier to find a commmunity with them and let's face it, at times of turmoil, it has not often been the men that I turn to for comfort, help or advice.
If I am sounding a bit Adrienne Rich's Compulsory Heterosexuality and the Lesbian Experience, it is because reading that essay changed my life and my outlook. Give it a read. It is definitely worth it. Women, lesbians, are always thought of as sexual first because of porn and the male gaze, not as the compassionate support network they are. But you don't come here for academic lectures so here is the latest news.
I went out for waffles with M. She is gorgeous and funny and intelligent and tactile and I am very glad that we matched with each other. There were kisses and the kisses were gooooood.
I am very much looking forward to M coming round to fuck. I'm not kidding about how gorgeous she is. But, and this is important. I am looking forward to her coming round on a Wednesday when she's had a rough day at work so I can braid her hair and cwtch up to watch telly.
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